Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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