I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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