just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
