I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
