saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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