I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
