i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
