Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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