Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
