Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
