the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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