one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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