As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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