My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
