I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
