hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize