Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
