It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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