Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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