As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone came in the potted fern
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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