We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
