he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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