Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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