me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
