Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
