I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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