I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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