So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
