How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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