Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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