her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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