If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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