I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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