i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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