You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize