I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there is glitter all over my balls
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