Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
