She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
