I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
