And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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