end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I looked at my own cervix.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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