So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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