whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
