Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
