he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
