Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
