I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
