LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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