she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
