Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
