I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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