I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
