In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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