He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
