I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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