this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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