she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
