Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
