She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
