Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
