i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
