I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?