the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.