So drunk its hurt
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
