Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.