And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking