I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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