I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
