Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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