i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
