Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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