I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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