Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
