I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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