Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
