I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
