Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
