apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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