Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just tell him i said nine months
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
