Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
